He arrived while she was tearing down walls. The fake brick in that house just had to come down. She chiseled away at it, breaking off pieces; small chinks fell, scattering onto the floor. She forced herself to keep at it no matter how hard it was or how fearful she was becoming.
He noticed the opening left as the bricks fell. He reached trough and found a lead to her heart. She moved over to a new section and tore down more. Fear kept her from opening that spot anymore than she already had. He tried to help, but she wouldn’t let him, not yet, anyway. Everything was too new; she needed to do this by herself. She needed to feel herself building up her own strength, and doing it her own way. He stayed with her, not able to let go, and she did not insist by then.
One day she looked up, there he was in front of her. She looked more closely and saw the same patterns, brick upon brick with mortar so firmly attached. There she was facing the same wall she thought she tore down.
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This works--using words that work just this side of symbolism but not quite literally either.
ReplyDeleteThis sentence, though, I'd say is a step over onto the wrong side of the line: "He reached trough and found a lead to her heart." Trust your readers!
Are you satisfied with this? Everyone seems a little gun-shy with week 11.
ReplyDeleteI'm not totally satisfied, actually. This was one of those weeks that I couldn't think of material. If you can't come up with material, there is no way to make it work. I think for the time, this may be as good as it can get for me. I thought all those prompts were going to make this week easy, but I guess I was wrong.
ReplyDeleteI used to have a week devoted completely to irony, but the point I wanted to drive home about irony was that it was something one discovered--the writer couldn't just order it up.
ReplyDeleteThis week can be a little that way, but your bricks worked though the writing was, to my eye, somewhat forced.
You are right, It was forced... As you indicated, writing is discovered. For me the main idea comes rather independently and flows, then I work on it and clean it up. If I am really lucky, like that owl piece, I don't even have to clean it up.
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